In traditional science, truth is
arrived at by proffering a hypothesis, then accumulating data to
prove or disprove it. The data force the conclusion. Reverse
truths work the opposite -- the hypothesis or belief creates
the data. Our assumptions select what we perceive of the world and
determine what meaning we attach to our perceptions. Believing is
necessary in order to see.
Astute parents have known this
principle for generations. The most vital reverse truth is our
belief in our children. They look to us as a mirror of who they
are, and they become what they see. If we trust and respect them,
they become trustworthy and respect themselves.
Some parents have this reverse
truth backwards, thinking that they will trust a child only after he
or she has proven to be trustworthy. There are forward truths, but
this isn't one of them. Our belief in our children is taken in by
them and metabolized into their own belief in themselves. We
convey to them in an unspoken message: "I'll believe in you
until both of us can." When that affirmation isn't there, they
may spend their lives looking for outside approval to fill what’s
Carlyle was right. "Tell a
man he is brave and you help him to become so." As a parent,
the trick is that you have to believe what you say, for feigned
praise and inauthentic interest are forgeries immediately
discernible to a child's expert eye.
Fast forward to adulthood: This
reverse truth still holds. Believe in someone and then he or she
will show you why you do. Neuroscience
has demonstrated that authentic belief in someone activates their
create a state of mind that transcends usual thinking and
saw this repeatedly in therapy and analytic patients, as I see in
now in coaching clients.
Here are some of the corollaries
of this reverse truth:
How much you believe in yourself
will determine how much others believe in you.
What you believe will show.
How you are, and how you behave
with someone else, shows most in how it affects others responding to
What you believe will become
true, because you will live it.
You are always creating outside
to match inside.
Your experiences are always
consistent with your beliefs.
It is vitally important to know
your beliefs and assumptions quite well since you are always living
them out. Once in awareness, you can change the ones that don’t
work, stick with and enhance the ones that do, and generate new
beliefs designed for growth.
S. Grant said all this much more succinctly: “I succeeded because
you believed in me.”
Secret Language of Money
is now a business bestseller and translated into nine languages.
Thank you for your support and kind words.